I’m always slow with updating my real photos. Sorry about that. I’m actively working on getting the next several batches uploaded.
Today I downloaded all the photos I had on my camera and started to hack away at the back log of photos. While doing this I came across some photos I had taken of myself in the last month and a half. Three of which are above.
I started taking photos of myself a long time ago, mostly to keep with the habit of taking at least one photo a day but other times I do it to help me remember moments in time. Self portraits happen for other reasons too, like finding incredible light but not having anything interesting around to shoot, or just straight up boredom.
The photos I have above show my mood over the last several weeks. Which honestly, the first two are not flattering at all. I look miserable, exhausted, hollow, kind of angry and just gone. I know where I was mentally, emotionally, etc. when these photos were taken. It’s no secret that I’ve been on medical leave in order to get my depression, anxiety, etc. under wraps. Even when I think I’m effectively hiding my mood, my emotions and that I’m making progress, I come across these photos and I see that I am not hiding anything and that I still have a lot of hard work ahead of me.
The third photo is from today. I am almost smiling in it but I still see the exhaustion in my skin. I’m crucial and critical of myself but I also know my face better than anyone. I know the scars and I know that when I’m tired my scars become more apparent. I know the well earned wrinkles, laugh lines and gray hair better than anyone else. I also know that I’ve had some really good days lately, which I hope I can continue because I miss being a fully capable & functional version of myself.
I’m quickly about to get off point so I’ll end it here. Anyway, this is a very quick overview of the past several weeks and all that jazz. Photos from wanderings that weren’t taken with my cellphone are coming soon.
As always thanks for continuing to look at my work, following my tumblr and for the encouragement. Stay warm and rad.